I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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