I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
