You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
