Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
