It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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