I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
