just tell him i said nine months
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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