Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
