They should really pass out barf bags in church
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
