OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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