I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
