My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
