so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
