Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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