Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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