she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
