I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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