My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
