Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
