i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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