he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
