I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
