I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's the barista slut.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
