why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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