How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I deserve this hangover.
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