I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
