i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
