Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
