omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
