Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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