I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
