never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
