I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
