I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
