I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
