After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
