and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
