Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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