so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
