Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
