before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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