I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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