ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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