My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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