Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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