I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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