I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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