Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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