One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
