I think im going to throw up on grandma
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How naked do you want me to be?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
