Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
