Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
