Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
