It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
