I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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