i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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