So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
