I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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