I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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