Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
