I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
