I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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