I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
