Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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