That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
