I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
