The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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