Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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